I've Got To Stop Kidding Myself

Eye Slapping on the Winding Road

2009-07-04T10:34:00.000-07:00

I've been reading the online auto enthusiast magazine Winding Road from cover to cover since the first issue. It is one of the the first to adopt the flash based, e-zine presentation format that does a great job of creating the rich, immersive, print magazine feel within a web browser. You get big, beautiful pictures; full screen, two page spreads (without the staples); and with Winding Road, great writing from some of the top auto journalists in the history of the biz.

I have come to love their editorial focus on real world driving dynamics vs the typical battery of tests citing drag, panic stop and slalom numbers. It is just a great online magazine.

However, with the last issue or so I'm having a real problem reading this online rag. What follows is an open letter to the creators of Winding Road Magazine and all of you other 'eye slappers' out there in InterWeb land.

Dear Winding Road,

Please tell your advertisers that if they must animate their ads, do not create jarring sideshows and whatever you do in your little banner, don't repeat the show. Give it a rest at some point! What you are doing now amounts to eye slapping me while I'm trying to read the magazine. (And yes, I do read it for the articles.)

Maybe I'm the only one who loses attention on the story each time an ad flashes above or beside your article. Maybe I'm the only one who gets sick of seeing the same attention jarring animation 30 or 40 times during the course of reading a 100+ page issue. I may be somehow unique among all readers of this great and wonderful set of tubes called the Internets, but I don't think so.

The ads that flash and pop and burst new text and colors on to the screen are amazingly distracting and annoying. This desperate circus act for attention doesn't do ANYTHING to ingratiate me to their company, message or product. This is the web equivalent of the guy who won't stop talking in the library, the same as the guy who takes a call in the movie -- and stays in his seat. Do your advertisers want to be that guy?

Your magazine now reminds me of the quaint and comically sad days in the mid-90's when people discovered animated gifs and everyone decided to create flashing and rotating text on their site. The Purolator ad even cycles through my favorite CGA colors at the end of their ad! (To their credit however, the 'keep it pure' guys finally stop the action at some point.) Those where the days of the original eye slappers. A crude and brutish bunch.

But look how far we've come! As a result of this new "creativity" of your advertisers, here's how I have modified my use of your magazine during my reading of Issue 47:

First, I have learned that by quickly flipping back and forth from the page I want to read and the adjacent page, I can eventually get the page to load with ads that don't poke at my retinas. I'm not sure how they will stat all of the additional impressions, but rest assured none of my quick clicks between pages should be considered as a positive 'impression' for the advertisers.

Second, and this is even more troubling, I realized that I now hesitate to move between pages of your magazine because I don't want to get 'eye slapped' once again by one of these annoying ads. I was reading page 32 on the new BMW 5 Series GT and it mentioned something about the rear seats. I knew there was a picture of the seats on a previous page but I didn't leave the page I was on because,

a) I wasn't being eye slapped on the current page (ads weren't annoying on the page I was reading),

and, b) I knew I would have to refresh the page several times to get likable ads on the new page I wanted to read.

Wow. Who wants to read an online magazine that is created in a way that you're afraid to turn the page? I wouldn't turn the page for fear of being eye slapped once more.

The makers of Winding Road have a great concept. A great focus. Wonderful writing and visual presentation within the magazine pages. But PLEASE stop insulting us with the cartoonish ads. What's your next plan? Will you send in the clowns? With apologies to Mr. Sondheim - don't bother, they're here. The clowns are here and they are eye slapping us repeatedly!

Winding Road, I love your work. But please, no more eye slapping! Eye slapping will not be tolerated. I will modify my behavior to avoid the dreaded eye slap. How would you like to be eye slapped repeatedly? Fix the ads!

How was your ride?

2008-06-16T08:34:00.000-07:00

"Hey, if this works for you, I'm going to move to Venice and buy a bike!"

I love how our language works. You can say something that on the face seems innocuous and pleasant but can have other implications as well. Kind of like the Ultimate Fighter who moves like they are going to kick your left ankle but crushes your right ear with a spinning lightening fast, roundhouse kick.

Today I got to live one of those moments. The language one, not the roundhouse kick.

Growing up in the south this whole method of double speak became second nature, so I've had quite a bit of experience with this area of life. I'm sure it goes on everywhere. It starts early in life, and quite simply.

- At 6, overdressed and itchy, at grandma's house for what amounts to a foreign meal, you're told how nice you look. You notice that they tell your brother how 'special he is' - and you learn in the moment that there are several types of special. Special isn't always good special.

Was it me who looked nice and my brother who was the special one? Or was it the other way around?

It was so long ago, I'm sure I don't remember.

- At 13, overdressed again, at the new girlfriend's front door, staring up at her father. "You're not goin' ta' do anything out of line with my daughter, are you, son?" Already sweating in the too thick cardigan, I rack my brain. In the background the girl - the reason I'm putting myself through all of this - is leaning against the wall, hoping I answer correctly.

She's slowly sliding one knee across the other as she bites her lip and tugs on that little skirt. A light jean-material, bright green mini-skirt hiding almost none of her legs, with a mod-power! style flower print splotched all over it, a hidden side zipper that went halfway down, a 1/2 inch metal button above. Or was it plastic?

It was so long ago, I'm sure I don't remember.

'Focus,' I tell myself, thinking quickly. Don't want to lie. Don't want to leave empty handed.

He repeats the question.

Then I straighten up and proudly proclaim, "No, Sir!" as I realize I don't want to do "anything" out of line with his daughter, I want to do something very specific.

Very specific.

Like hold her hand.

And compliment her on her wonderful parents. Language is an ambiguously wonderful thing.

Ah, the good old days, may they never return.

As for today, it went like this. I arrive at the office, on bike as is the norm, grab my non-sweaty clothes, and make my way as quickly as possible toward the facilities to change. On the way, I normally get a couple of 'how was it?' comments and I try to respond appropriately, which is with a polite and terse response.

Seems people don't really care about the dead animal I swerved to miss at mile marker 3.702. Or how close my heart rate was to exploding (as recorded by my trusty HR monitor) as I crested that huge 110 ft. hill. Who can blame them.

Then this one guy, let's call him Manny, goes a step further. After the typical 'how was it?' comment, he turned to me full face and started a real conversation.

"How many miles do you ride each way?"

"About 8," I replied. (Actually, it's 7.2 but I've learned from other riders you're supposed to round up, way up.)

"That's a good workout."

Standard stuff to this point. Then, as he turns to walk away, I get this...

"Hey, if this works for you, I'm going to move to Venice and buy a bike!"

I say, "Thanks." and Manny is gone. I'm left to reflect on his last statement as I fill my water bottles for the trip home. Obviously, there is something about me that needs to work. Manny must have been thinking, 'this guy must be desperate to get in shape.'

"If this works for you" - nice.

I thought I was just saving money and getting outside a bit. Ok, I hope to get into better shape. Lots better shape. If others can use Palettes to pass for meditation time, biking for weight loss can pass for green do-gooding, right? I'm saving the world one pound at a time! er, one mile at a time. Yeah, energy efficiency. That's why I started riding. The fact that I weighed almost 300 lbs had nothing to do with it. That was about 80 lbs ago. But at the start it was the environment, the gas savings, I think.

It was so long ago, I'm sure I don't remember.

Top 10 Bad iPhone App Ideas

2008-04-28T10:59:00.001-07:00

They say that the only bad idea is no idea, but I beg to differ. After my daily download and install of the iPhone SDK, I began to brainstorm about the killer app that will soon be emerging from my software lab, shrouded in secrecy. I followed the best practices of idea generation and began to record every thought without judging or criticizing. I decided to start watching the SDK videos in the background as they would be pointing out the many features available and seeing them might spur some new ideas.

The new iPhone has an accelerometer, let's see:
Accelerometer based:
1. iThrow
2. BlackiBox

It has a random number generator...

Psuedo Random Number Generator:
3. Random Contact Pic
4. Random RingTone
5. Address book data randomizer

Got any more?

Spam (6660)

2008-04-20T21:24:00.000-07:00

Does it mean anything that my spam folder has 666 x 10 messages in it?

Opened GMail today and saw:
Spam (6660)

Should I be worried?

Or does this mean that all is right with the world?

Maybe spam is just taking its natural form, preparing to burst upon the world and assert itself.

{refresh}

Spam (6693)

I feel much better now.

Around Venice

2008-04-16T18:07:00.001-07:00

The first real spring weekend in Venice was interesting to say the least. The beach scene consists of an outdoor boardwalk that is a shopping mall masquerading as a carnival freak show. You can see just about anything and some think you can do just about anything. Next to the boardwalk is the bike path that serves as the through way for those who want to see and be seen on bikes, trikes, boards, blades, wandering hoards on foot (who serve to make it an almost perfect obstacle course) and just about any other personal conveyance you could imagine.

Heard Around Venice
Did you see the guy holding the yellow snake?

No, but I saw the guy with two iguanas on his hat. Are you talking about the guy standing on a chair in a thong holding a snake in each outstretched arm?

Those snakes weren't real. This one was alive.

Venice Math
Given a weekend day,
for every 5 deg warmer the forecast high temperature,
there are 10% more people,
each wearing 15% less clothing.
(which could be a good thing or a bad thing)

Heard around Venice
I just saw a guy riding one of those huge front wheel bicycles
Oh? I thought those were extinct.

Venice Physics
Apparently, as the crowds get bigger and the parties go longer, somehow the properties of glass change in a way as to make it exceedingly more fragile. The day after, broken glass can be found everywhere.

Venice Twilight Math
Beginning at the time calculated for sunset of a given day,
for each 10 min after this time,
there are 15% fewer people on the walk street,
97% of the group leaving are the those you would like to be associated with,
3% of those leaving are following others looking for an opportunity to strike;
which means when you stop to look around in the growing darkness,
100% of the people left are not anyone you'd want to do business with.

Find your way

2008-04-12T05:15:00.001-07:00

I pass this stencil on the 'walkstreet' in front of my building each day while taking Jasper to the dog park. A walkstreet is the answer to the question, "What would you have if you built a sidewalk and realized you didn't have room for a road?" They apparently did that a lot while building Venice, CA.

This bit of street art is an interesting break from the taggers' frantic swirls and the blunt four letter words normally scribbled along the path.

I liked the quaint advice to 'brave the maze to determine the true desires of your heart.' That's what I needed to see. So, I took this picture.

I could just imagine the timid artisan huddled in a corner, cutting piece after piece of poster board to get the image just the way they want it. (Actually, I think there's a program on the Mac that will do it for you. iTagger, I believe - download it from iTunes today!) Anyway, I picture this person cutting (or clicking) their stencil, hoping to make a bold statement for all the world to see. At least that part of the world that stares at the ground and reads graffiti as they walk along. Yeah, people like me.

One morning a few weeks later (do they ever come and clean these things off?) I walk past this same slab of concrete and what had appeared to be an anatomically correct heart looks like something else. You've seen those perception experiments where they draw an old lady and a young girl with the same lines? Well, this day I look at the heart and what I see is the head of a donkey.

Now, if that's the case, it changes everything. By everything, of course, I mean it changes the little bit that a sidewalk graffiti can change anything in the grand scheme of things.

"Find your way" with a heart/maze image is a sweet reminder to dig deep to learn what you really want.

"Find your way" with a donkey/maze reads more like an admonition to "Get out of your own head, you donkey!"

Am I the one traveling down through the maze to my heart of hearts? Or am I the donkey who needs to get out of my head to see the light of day? I may never know, for in the grand tradition of street artists (and other vandals), the creator didn't sign nor explain the work.

Which is it? Poorly drawn heart or pointy eared donkey?

Or is there a deeper meaning to the artists work? Maybe this is the new "glass half empty/glass half full" analogy. I can see it now, the question will become, "Hey there, are you a heart/maze or a donkey/maze kind of girl?"

Will my life ever be the same? This I will have to ponder...

Look! There's a new one of an elephant and a beautiful lady. I wonder what that means? Oh, wait. Did someone just drop their milkshake?

Sweet Circles in the Road

2008-03-15T18:52:00.001-07:00

No doubt you've seen the tar rimmed circles, squares and various other shapes at intersections put there to cause the change of signals. Cars roll over wire underneath these cutouts and the traffic signal knows a car waiting. The wire acts as an antenna that reacts to a large hunk of metal coming near.

These have been around for quite a while; nothing unusual about that. What makes these circles so lovely is they have been scribed into the bike lane at intersections on my commute to work. Traffic light circuitry is not just for automobiles any more - sweet!

Now in L.A. rush hour, I often have a car or two around, but during off hours I can wait a while for an old fashioned, dino-dust burning non-pedalmobile to come along.

I don't know if these tiny beauties use a different process to determine a cyclist is present, but it seems like they must. Bikes are made with precious little metal these days. My frame consists of only 4.5lbs of aluminum with the entire bike weighing around 20lbs (Ok, slightly more when you include the rider). Most of the serious cyclists these days have carbon fiber frames and light alloy wheels with a total weight of under 16lbs and only a pound or so of actual metal.

Dunno how these little things work, but they do - and I like it.

Quote of the Day

2008-03-06T17:28:00.001-08:00

The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'.*
- Larry Hardiman

I saw this walking down Abbot Kinney posted to a construction barrier. It is amazing the lengths people will go to create the desired (read: negative) impression of their opponent in politics. Less than a week after I snapped this shot, Hillary had released pictures of Obama wearing what could be described as a middle eastern adult diaper.

If this is what we get in the primaries, I can't wait for the election season to really get going!

I still predict that Bin Laden will be captured this summer between August 18th and September 28th. He'll be paraded through the streets for all to see and the party currently in power will use the event to trumpet, "the plan is working!" Their candidate will breeze through the general election and we'll have another 4 to 8 years of business as usual for the religion, oil and war party.

Then I wake up in a cold sweat and hope it is really just a recurring nightmare, not a premonition.

* Program Note: Despite my taking shots at the three candidates and the current administration, I have great respect for and belief that our leaders can do good for the people of our country. I believe that making true, lasting positive changes takes pure motives, a strong will and long view of what is really right and good. I also believe this type of leadership is currently almost completely lacking in those who hold state and national office in our country. There now, don't you feel better?

Inspiration

2008-02-06T15:21:00.001-08:00

Here is a short collection of quotes on the creative process. It seems that to simply go about the daily business of living and hope that inspiration strikes you is not the way that most of the greats made it happen. Most surprising to me was to hear about Picasso, with his wildly interpretive paintings, having a daily routine.

Inspiration does exist, but it must find you working. - Pablo Picasso
or
You are not always inspired but it's a good thing to be working when inspiration hits you. - Pablo Picasso

I write only when inspiration strikes. Fortunately, it strikes every morning at nine o’clock sharp. - Somerset Maugham

Doing the same thing at the same time every day seemed to prep my brain to think on it and inspirations seemed much easier to come by as a result of conditioning. Lightning Bolts from Routine; who knew? - Unknown Writer

Old Adage about guitar playing: It’s not how many years you play; it’s how many hours you play.

I HAVE to write something everyday. I just stay at it and hang on with my teeth until it comes out. - Bob Dylan

Every day I get up, have my coffee, and go to my “office”, sit down at the piano and write for eight hours a day. I don't write hits all the time, but it gives me a deeper understanding of my relationship with myself, my creative process and my art. - Nick Cave

“Inspiration is for amateurs. I just get to work.” — Chuck Close

I may need to modify my routine of doing everything else I need to in a day, lying down, closing my eyes real tight and hoping I come up with something brilliant before I fall asleep.
Femme à la resille (Woman in a hairnet), 1938, by Pablo Picasso. Collection of Julian and Josie Robertson, New York; ©

L.A. Rains Hit Home

2008-01-27T19:59:00.000-08:00

With L.A. receiving as much rain this past week as it normally does in an entire year, I've learned first hand that people here have zero propensity for handling the rain. They run for cover at the first descending drop, gather provisions and bravely huddle in front of TiVo'ed episodes of TMZ to ride out the atrocity.

I knew it was tough for some people - a friend around the corner in a basement 1 bedroom watched the sewer line back up and present itself 3" deep throughout her place. Management says the other 105" of air space are fine and 98% dry should be good enough for her.

My friend James, who is an 'urban camper' had to scramble to higher ground as the bridge-side location he frequents became a solid runoff stream. Five tough days for him and at least a few more to come.

The real horror of the rains and their destructive effects didn't hit home until today - at the dog park. After 30 min of good clean fun, Jasper decided that the best way to interact with the other dogs was to run for the one mud spot in the park and roll flat on his back - then writhe around upside down while other dogs bit his neck and other assorted parts. It was quite possibly some caninish-spiritual rite of atonement but I couldn't quite make out the deeper meaning - though I'm sure there was one.

Some deeper-doggie meaning is the only way I can justify the two hours of wash, rinse and repeat that followed. I've just now made it to the point of having a passably clean dog and a completely filthy apartment.

When, oh when, will these devil rains cease!

I'd go outside and shake my fist toward the heavens, but I'm braced for the throes of our current light sprinkle. And besides, there's a fresh TMZ on pause.

Looks great outside and on the new Pergo!

Moment of Truth

2008-01-08T16:31:00.000-08:00

Santa brought me a coffee table book again this year, "The History of the Porsche 911" updated for 2007. [santaspoiler]Santa bringing the book means that I went out and grabbed one of Border's $15 and under sale items on Christmas Eve and stuck it in with the other gifts, but I was too lazy to wrap it. Everyone in my house knows that presents from Santa aren't wrapped.[/santaspoiler] Anyway, about the book.

The History of the Porsche 911 is one of those 20" square, 350 page books with 250 full bleed pictures and 100 smaller supporting shots. The pictures are the thing, not the words. Typically, the text is there just to fill up the spots between pictures. Normally, I'd flip through and gawk at the glossy images and that would be pretty much it. I've bought or been given dozens of these over the years and haven't read a single one.

This year was different; I read every word. Maybe it was the subject matter, arguably the world's best ever sports car, or maybe it was a particularly hard Christmas for me. Being my first extended set of holiday parties since Lorilee, the consummate 'Christmas Girl' passed away, maybe it was easier to bury my head in the sports car book than interact with family. Just maybe.

If you know cars at all, it would seem a given that the Porsche would have always cherished the 911 brand and kept it in the forefront of the company's plans always. Not the case, which leads me to the point of this bit of writing.

In the mid-70's as the US was continually flagellating on regulations for emissions and safety, someone inside of Porsche had a great idea. Knowing that Chevrolet's Corvette was THE American sports car and as such would never be outlawed someone in legal reasoned, 'let's build a German version of the Corvette' and we'll be safe with the regulators. Over the next 10 years they worked on phasing out the 911 and refining the replacements. At one point top management dictated that no further work would be done on the 911. Two front engine, rear drive cars (the 928 and 944) would receive all development Deutsch Marks.

A new chairman was appointed in the late 80's after an early retirement, three months before the Super Bowl of endurance racing - the 24 Hours of Le Mans. The chairman, eager to learn about the racing effort for the big show, met with the racing division staff his second day on the job. They were busy preparing two 944's for the race. "How will we secure victory?" was the first question. The staff replied that these cars would not be competitive, they were working feverishly with hopes to be within 2 seconds per lap of the best in their class - overall victory would be out of the question.

This became a watershed moment for the new chairman. He stopped everyone working in the shop and assembled the racing staff for a quick meeting. The meeting was brief. He declared that while he was chairman Porsche would only enter races with the goal of overall victory. He would return tomorrow and expect a 20 minute presentation on exactly how Porsche would accomplish this goal.

The plan was hatched by the racing team during the 'all-nighter' that followed. The next day the new chairman was presented with a radical plan - take last years Le Mans winning 911's out of the Porsche museum and upgrade them to the current regulations, run a radical race strategy that would force Porsche drivers to stay in the car two or three times longer than the rest of the field. Do that without any mistakes by the pit crew or drivers for the full 24 hours and Porsche could win the race.

The "Museum Cars" came in first and third that year winning yet another Le Mans for Porsche. The chairman was revered by the workers at Porsche and the 911 was brought back to prominence for the company, where the 911 remains the flagship platform to this day.

When I read the story, two things came to mind:
- Don't Settle.
If I don't set a worthy goal or have a high standard, greatness won't be achieved.

- Make the decision when it needs to be made
There is no reason to hold back for even a moment when I know what is right.

However, having finished the book, I guess I'll have to return to the party. Oh, wait, here's a great one "The Full and Complete Racing History of the AMC Gremlin" - better get to reading.

A Spinal Tap Moment

2008-01-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

I had my first Spinal Tap Moment.

An artist I met recently showed me pictures of several of her sculptures - wooden abstract pieces that were constructed out of wood and mylar lashed together with natural twine. Some looked to be suspended in a hotel courtyard or lobby. Other shots were of walls or doorways redone with a dramatic color scheme or texture. Very impressive stuff. The art work was cool, too.

A week or so later, I had the occasion to visit her studio in a converted airplane hanger at the Santa Monica airfield. "Had the occasion" means, made every effort to get some additional face time, of course.

Well, while I was there, it turns out the huge sculptures I envisioned were actually ten, twelve or thirty six inches, not feet - as you may have guessed by the title. I'm sure I must have stopped dead in my tracks just staring at this teeny, tiny art with a stupid/silly grin on my face. That was a pebble in the picture, not a bolder. That is yarn, not yardarm rigging. No way she noticed my bemused look though, I'm sure of it.

The first five minutes I was there I probably didn't hear a word that was said as I just couldn't get the image of these tiny delicate shoe box sized art pieces being lowered from the ceiling at some dramatic art gallery opening by giant pulleys and chains. "Behold 'Mondrain's Shell'!" (pictured above) It is an award winner and is 36 long X 21 wide and 10 high!" Queue the little people!

It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever - David St. Hubbins, This is Spinal Tap (1984)

Later in the conversation, after I rejoined reality, I made an off-hand reference to the movie "This Is Spinal Tap" but it didn't register with her. I spared her the anecdote above after learning that she didn't share my feelings about one of the true classics. This story will be a secret between you and me. Of course, I got out of any future plans with her.

Obviously incompatible, we were.

You just don't get many Spinal Tap moments in life, though. You have to cherish them when you can.

After Party in Santa Monica

2007-12-17T18:37:00.000-08:00

CrownPeak took over the Spitfire Grill (not pictured) at the Santa Monica Airport for our Holiday party this week. Cool restaurant with the requisite glory days aero motif. Our group of fifty pretty much filled the place. Whether or not you drink, you learn a lot about people during a party. For one, our fearless leader, CEO Jim Howard was truly giddy about his quest to bring the perfect wine for each of the 5 or so courses to be served. I don't know how much time he spent during deliberations, but the result was a series of wonderful 'vinos' throughout the evening. I won't elaborate further and expose my ignorance on such matters. To a true connoisseur the best description I could possibly muster would sound something like, 'wheelie yummy wed stuff in the clinky glass! Yeah!' So, I'll leave it at that.

It was announced that we won two Webbies this year! For those with a first life, The Webbies are the academy awards for internet folk. And by 'we' I mean my co-workers like Denise Duncan, my mentor at CP and the drummer for The Transmissions, who did all of the excellent work on MSPMag.com before I got there. Can't take credit for any of it. I was off fighting the eCash wars at the time. Congrats Denise! You know, that kind of 'we'.

As the traditional holiday party meal and chatter was winding down, I had migrated to what was left of the sales and marketing table and someone there suggested we keep the night going by heading to the lobby bar at Casa del Mar. I had no feel for if that was a good or bad suggestion, but hey, 'lobby bar at Casa del Mar' rhymed, so that was enough for me.

As we started to make our polite goodbyes at The Spitfire and shuffle toward the door I decided to ask some of the developers and CSD's like me to come along. I was met with wide eyed wonder or utter disdain, 'that's where the beautiful people are' was the singular reply. My only retort was 'everyone is beautiful, in their own way' or some other random, antiquated song lyric - and luckily, a few of them bought it or didn't hear me and came along for the ride.

We got to the Casa (now see pic, above) and she is a truly grand old hotel built with quality and craftsmanship equaling the best of Europe. In the lobby has a large and tasteful open seating area and a patio that overlooks the Pacific Ocean. Leaning on the 50 seat bar, someone squealed, this is like Vegas! I quickly attempted to set him straight by defining terms like facade, neon and 'room crawling with high-class hookers.' I learned that in L.A. they call 'em fans.

Turns out, Casa del Mar is the place where Mel Gibson had his 'moment of doubt and pain' but mostly racism. It is also the place where members of our group had last seen Lindsey Lohan. On the other hand, David Haselhoff, contrary to popular belief, did NOT eat the burger here. Ah, yes, the beautiful people.

Beautiful, indeed. I guess these 'beautiful people' are a bit like watching 3D movies. You wear some paper two tone glasses (1/2 money, 1/2 fame, in this case), sit very still and don't think too much about what you're seeing and you might be able to keep the illusion.

They are people just like the rest of us - making mistakes, choices good and bad, getting hooked and unhooked on stuff and trying to make their way in the world. It's just that they do it in front of a 16:9 camera with 2% bodyfat and a thousand watt smile.

Speaking of a thousand watts, I learned that the Casa del Mar has a subtle way of letting people know that last call has come and gone. At 2:30am sharp they throw on every light in the place. Unannounced. Full blast. Whether you've been drinking wine or Jack and Coke or not at all, this is a shock to the system. It is an unnatural act that should be outlawed in California just like smoking and gasoline cars.

Picture the flash of a hundred camera strobes, except the flash doesn't disappear, it stays. Picture the moment when the guard stops slapping you after dunking your head in water and forcefully bends your neck back and turn that single beam of white evil into your toothpick clamped, forced open eyes (see exhibit A, below). This is not right.

At this point everyone in our group cowers and lurches toward the front door and the promise of re-darkness (at least I do, anyway). Thanks, Casa! Thanks a lot. No wonder Mel was so upset.

After four years in Vegas and the no-no-never-ever-last-call-culture this was especially painful.

Torture isn't the word, but it's the only one that comes to mind.

Somehow we survived. It was a great party and really good to get to know some of my new co-workers (not pictured).

Troubleshooting the real problem

2007-11-26T10:28:00.001-08:00

While setting up my cable box universal remote control I encountered a slight problem getting the TV on/off switch to be controlled. So, after trying every key combination I could think of, I last resorted to checking the manual. Flipping to the back I found the diagnostic section labeled - Troubles Hooting.

Troubles Hooting. Nice. So even "Trouble" is laughing at me now.

How am I supposed to trust this source of information? Instead of bringing me info on how to solve a problem, they indicate that trouble itself is laughing at me. I knew that remotes were stubborn and narrow minded but to learn that remote controls are also vindictive and petty was too much for me.

I guess this is the way it goes. You think you're going to get help and what you see as a big problem is just fodder for a joke to those around you. All I wanted was to be able to control the five devices from different manufacturers from one remote when I assume the position of couch potato. But we both know what happens when we assume.

But still, why should anyone have to juggle multiple remote controls and worse yet, remember which remote will control which function. Beside that, lining up the various remotes takes up valuable space on the coffee table where additional chips and drinks should go. This forces me to make additional trips to the kitchen to restock - and figure out which remote controls the pause function for the type of media I'm watching. This is serious business here.

In the end I was only able to get it down to two remotes with or without the help of the "troubles hooting" section.

Not much traffic today

2007-11-16T22:30:00.000-08:00

This is the view heading south on the beach bike path between Rose and Washington in Venice. Some days the traffic is heavy on the bike path on the way to work. Today, it was wide open. Usually when the weather is clear and the sun is bright you see a huge array of walkers, bladers, joggers and crossing traffic (many with surfboards) but not today. I'm glad. All those babes in bikinis or spandex in your way gets sooo annoying.

Ok, I admit I was mainly looking for an excuse to add a shot of commuting route. Showing this picture in a post will further give me a reason to casually drop a reference to the the fact that I rode 467 miles on the bike in October. It wouldn't be bragging (though it is a personal record), just good, thorough journalism.

Yeah, that's what I'm going for, good thorough journalism. Not bragging. Nope. Not me. Oh, yeah, did I mention I'd ridden 467 miles last month? 467.2 to be exact, but who's counting? And the bikinis? Don't forget about the bikinis and spandex...

$23.95 and well worth it (or what I did last Friday night)

2007-11-02T18:12:00.001-07:00

Found this wallet chain online in about 5 min for $23.95. It would have really come in handy a couple of Friday nights ago. I got to lunch with some friends at work and realized the wallet was in my car (a Ford F150 4 door truck), so I borrowed $20 for the meal (no I didn't spend it all on lunch - way too cheap). No big deal until I'm leaving work and have to rush to 1. pick up the dog at the groomer and
2. meet a friend at the airport,
3. have dinner, etc.
and realize the wallet is NOT in the truck but back at the house.

Time for Plan B. Or non-plan b as it turned out.

I proceed to the dog groomer and talk my way out the door with the dog with a promise to come back and pay later. Then, I start to put the clean dog in the back of the dirty truck and decide to get the truck washed, forgetting that I have no wallet.

The car is 1/2 way down the line before I remember the no money thing. I run over and change my order to the cheapest car wash and have enough money left from my lunch loan to pay for it and have $1 left over for a tip.

I make it to pick up the friend who of course gets to pay for dinner. Dinner was nice except it turns into a circus because the attention my dog garnered at the Hermosa Beach pier shopping area. The friend commented that it is fun to people watch and with Jasper you get to people watch up close and personal.

So, to end the evening I load the dog into the truck bed and head north toward Venice Beach. I don't get 2 blocks before a police car pulls behind me at a crosswalk. I immediately get nervous because my Nevada tag hasn't been switched to a Cali plate yet and it was 3 weeks overdue. Then my friend has to remind me that the tag is not the biggest problem because, a) I'm driving and b) I don't have my wallet and therefore my license.

We're able to roll away from the crosswalk and I'm planning to make my getaway at the 1st right turn when the lights come on.

How did this turn out? (Well, you might expect me to say I'm writing this from the county jail library and only have 3 min. left in the yard.)

The expired plate wasn't mentioned. The lack of license was forgiven. Insurance nor registration were ever shown. I passed the sobriety test as 3 diet cokes hadn't impaired my reactions too much. But I received a ticket for having an untethered dog in the back of the truck. Apparently there is a new law in California.

Boy have I learned my lesson - although I'm not sure what the lesson is.

Maybe they have one of those wallet chain thingies for my brain.

Let's find out exactly why flooring installers get $2 per sq. ft.

2007-10-22T11:56:00.000-07:00

Someday I will determine whether it is a blessing or a curse my insistence that given a little instruction I can do anything. In what has become a perfect storm of activity this week, I have the first of many furniture deliveries, the cable guy, and this weekend I'm looking forward to friends from two states rolling in for long overdue visits. So, could there be a better time to get a new floor installed? I think not.

Better yet, I will do it all myself - research, measure, purchase, pick up, deliver to the 2nd floor apartment and install. The video clip of the happy lady at the flooring site made it look oh, so easy. "Simply tilt the plank and snap into place."

And here it goes. I love how the dog is less and less thrilled with the process as time goes on...

Walkway View

2007-10-15T15:05:00.001-07:00

Here's a quick post with a shot of the view from my walkway. I have made it a habit to stop and take in the view for a moment as I head out of the apartment. I promise that the tiny spec of tan is Venice Beach and the ocean is the 1/8 inch line of gray above it.

Actual objects are closer than they appear from the lens of the iPhone.

If you know me and you're heading toward So Cal, show up or call ahead and know and you'll have a place to stay. At least as soon as the restoration of the brick hotel in the foreground is complete!

View Larger Map

A friend has sent you a video!

2007-10-15T15:04:00.000-07:00

Usually when I get a message stating "A friend has sent you a video!" I delete it immediately and wonder if my spam engine is malfunctioning. However, this time it really was a friend sending me a link to a video from one of the new spat of free video services. This one was from http://www.Veoh.com and they have a good array of content both amateur and professional/broadcast. Another is http://www.joost.com which requires 3D drivers on a Windows box but promises to have most of the programming that comes with a basic cable subscription with all programming "on demand" instead of scheduled.

The folks at Joost expect you to chat back and forth with others who are watching the program in an attempt to merge the viral network and social networking with traditional TV network programming.

Very interesting segment. I think in some form most people will eventually get their programming on demand.

I've never been "that guy" before...

2007-10-14T09:17:00.000-07:00

Ok, I'm walking the dog at midnight Saturday on the deserted Venice boardwalk. In the distance a couple lean on each other as the head back to his place or her place. A pair of likely tourists walk along, looking in vain for the excitement that packed up and headed to the city hours ago.

The two guys stop to admire Jasper, the wonder dog. I find out they're in town early for business, looking for some excitement. So, then the talkative one turns to me and asks if I know where he can "score" some weed. Then he adds, "You look like the type who would know."

I had to keep from actually ROTFL! Me, who has never successfully inhaled anything. Me, who actually had to ask what does this "420 friendly" phrase mean in these ads? while looking for an apartment in L.A. And earlier in the day I had asked the girl giving out cards what "Kush" was before I saw the telltale leaf on the logo.

Now to be fair I did have my black leather jacket, evil black shirt and underworld faded jeans on so I tried to be polite and let the guys down easy (i.e. NOT LAUGH IN THEIR FACE!) and directed them to the "medical" clinic down the way. These guys were obviously a long way from home.

Just call me Blahblah "420Friendly" yaya from now on. Gotta go, it's almost time for church.

A New Day

2007-10-13T23:30:00.000-07:00

You never know how a day at work will go. A funny thing happened on the way to lunch the other day, I got called into a meeting and was summarily dismissed! Ten minutes after arriving at work one Monday I was back standing in the parking lot with Rocky, the head of maintenance, who was shaking his head as he helped me load two half filled boxes into my car. Those two boxes and a couple of pictures amounted to the sum total of physical assets I'd amassed at The Selling Source, Inc. - my freshly minted previous employer.

I won't bore you with "my side of the story" as I'm sure there were plenty of reasons to part ways with little ol' me. Chief among them being the old stand by, 'you see, [insert name here], we can do without you now.' I learned early in my work-a-day career that any business is better off with the attitude that no one is indispensable. Far be it from me to break a good axiom.

So, there I was, pulling out of my covered and assigned parking spot (#10), wondering what the next move would be. (as I drove off I'm sure dibs on the patch of pavement had already been completed and the new owner was idling just out of sight ready to claim the prized possession.)

Not 20 minutes before I had no idea it was about to be my turn to play!

In that moment, I got something that not many people get at any time in life and especially not at my advanced age ;). By way of a combination of a number of more or less random events I get to start over. I mean really start over. Last December I could say I was happily married for 17 years. Then my wife was taken by cancer. Over the next 15 months or so I found that pretty much all I could muster the energy to do was work - so work I did.

Anyway, back to Monday. Quickly taking stock of my situation: single, 2/3 a country away from family and non-work friends, a non-gambler in the gambling capital and a techie in a city that doesn't have much tech work. I knew I needed to get out of this place.

Fast forward three months later and I'm just getting settled in Venice, Ca with a job seven miles away in Culver City. I've changed just about everything in the last 2 years.

Married ---> single
3BR House with private pool ---> 1BR apartment (with shared ocean)
Cody ---> Jasper (ok they're both pure bred Samoyeds)
Run from the heat ---> stroll on the beach
Lots of semi-expensive cars ---> one 1987 BMW 2 door (as soon as I sell the truck)
287---> 229

And on the work front...
400 person financial company---> 20 person ".com" startup
Meeting and more meetings ---> conf. call the client and then code it yourself
At your desk 7am sharp ---> please call if you're going to be in after 11:30!
Fly to Kansas ---> bike-cycle to Culver City

We'll see how it goes from here...